The Standard Disclaimer

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Offer void where prohibited by law. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. May cause drowsiness; do not use while driving or operating heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Do not use if tamper-evident seal is broken. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. Viewer discretion is advised. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Mechanically reproduced entries are not acceptable. Do not disturb. Reg. Penna. Dept. of Agric. All models over 18 years of age. If rash develops, discontinue use. No user-serviceable parts inside. Use before date on carton. Not a step. Contains bookkeeping materials only. Subject to change without notice. Do not incinerate. Simulated picture. This side up. Non-chlorine bleach only. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Phenylketonurics: Contains phenylalanine. Winner is solely responsible for all taxes. This bag is not a toy. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. Sealed for your protection. One size fits all. Check your claim stub; many suitcases look alike. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with Columbia University. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Store in a cool dry place. Speed checked by radar. Post office will not deliver without postage. Desiccant: Do not eat. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. If symptoms persist more than seven days, consult a physician. Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. At participating locations only. $300 penalty for private use. Employees and their families are not eligible. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Not for internal use. Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Deliberate concentration and inhalation of contents may result in injury or death. Your canceled check is your receipt. Do not operate without this cover in place. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. All times are approximate due to varying traffic conditions. Refrigerate after opening. You must be present to win. Hablamos Español / Có nhân viên nói tiê'ng Viêt-Nam. No C.O.D.'s. Avoid exposure to direct sunlight, high temperature, moisture, and magnetic fields. No passes accepted for this engagement. Type 1 and 2 plastics only. No purchase necessary. Use only in a well-ventilated area. This page intentionally left blank. Keep away from fire or flame. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children under three years of age. In stereo (where available). Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No substitutions. Unit not labeled for individual resale. First pull up, then pull down. Odds of winning depend on the number of entries received. Driver does not carry cash. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Registered trademarks are the property of their respective holders. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Opinions presented are those of the individual authors and do not represent the opinions of Paramount Pictures Corporation, The Coca-Cola Company, or the U.S. Government. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Not refundable. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Stolen Adapted from a version by the Rainbow Confusion boys, who seem to have gone missing.